career vs. job

sunday nights. i hate them. i always go through mourning for the weekend lost and dread for the monday that awaits. great attitude. i know.

tonight and all weekend i've been thinking a lot about jobs vs. careers. it's all i've talked about with friends (thanks becca and amy a.). it's what's on my heart.

i want the feeling of a career. the feeling of a calling in life, the feeling of giving something meaningful to the world, and the feeling of dedicating my life to a cause.

but damn, i miss having a job. 8-5. only working five days a week. vacation days. but i don't miss the empty feeling i had inside when i had a job.

i have to believe that there is a "position" out there that combines the fulfillment of a career with the lifestyle of a job. right? do these exist? they must. because right now i'm tired of this career. i'm tired of grading. i'm tired of planning. i'm tired of kids tweeting "fuck you" to me because i assigned them homework. i'm tired, quite literally.

i need to find that balance. because right now i feel like i'm on a see saw with me on one end, and a one-ton boulder weighing me down so that all i can do is wave my legs in the air and yell until someone comes and moves the rock. truth be told, i've got to move it myself to get the balance back. or i need to jump off.