just driving away

there's something beautiful and symbolic about just driving away. the tail-end of last week completely won over this girl. nothing bad happened. or, more significantly, nothing really great happened. in the midst of uncertainty, confusion, etc. (see last blog for the prognosis), little did i know that i just needed to drive away.

a baptism for sweet baby j took me to madison saturday. as much as i wanted to be there, i was in one of my funks and would have rather crawled under my covers for all of eternity (this is an example of what writers call hyperbole!). but, i went. and i'm so glad i did.

the drive alone was therapeutic. music. homemade iced coffee. a-mazing fall leaf displays. bliss.

and then. to be with so many dear friends was so, so soothing for my soul. hugs, an outdoor baptism, live music, sangria...wow. no doctor could have written a better prescription.

i returned home today feeling completely refreshed. i returned feeling hopeful. most importantly, i returned believing in myself more than when i left.

note to self: when in doubt, just drive away. preferably to the arms of dear friends.

coming up...again

i'm baaaaaaack! back to the USA after a year in Spain. back to blogging. yes, it seems i'm back. (what a weird word, "back." looks like the name of a disease if you stare at it long enough).

i've been wanting to start up my blog again for awhile. but, truth be told, things have been kinda craptastic lately, and in the midst of wallowing in my deep pity pool, complete with arm floaties, i just didn't feel like putting thoughts to paper, er, screen.

but then i got an e-mail.

an e-mail from a dear old friend who shared with me a journal entry he had written years ago (pre-"coming up" blog...we're talking my LiveJournal years!) about how something i had written inspired him. *blush. that was all i needed to hop back on my blog horse. giddy up.

because, truth is, i do love writing. and i do love sharing what is on my mind, even if no one cares what is on my mind. and, at this very confusing time in my life, i need to get some of these thoughts out of my brain and into the stratosphere called Elsewhere-Besides-My-Head.

turns out, reverse culture shock is a real and persnickety thing, and i've self-diagnosed myself as having many full-on, raging symptoms. i did a really stellar job of distracting myself when i came back from spain. between going to weddings, driving to san francisco and back, and couch surfing, i really did not come to terms with my homecoming until august. save the gory details, i'm now finding myself serving as a poster-child for "what happens when you try to reintegrate yourself into your native culture after trying really hard for an entire year to integrate yourself into another culture."

the results? confusion. rootlessness. isolation. uncertainty.

as thankful as i am for my year in spain, i truly feel like it completely messed up my life (both in the best and worst of ways). how do i reintegrate back into my culture/career/relationships as a very different person? how do i function in a culture that tells me i have to have a career, make money, and be successful when i just lived in a culture that told me that LIVING life was of utmost importance?

answers? anyone?

so, right now, i'm taking life day by day. hour by hour. poco a poco.

yes. i'm back. but, then again, i'm really not.

my friend, laura. soon to be your friend, too.

meet my friend, laura. laura is, hands down, one of the most a-mazing people/friends i've ever met. we met in the most random of ways. a high school friend set me up on a blind date with a college guy the summer after my senior year. my english student teacher knew said date. student teacher was friends with laura. i won't bore you with the how and the why, but laura and i became instant friends. she came into my life during a very dark time. she's probably the reason i'm here and happy today.

anyways. i could drone on and on about her, but why am i blogging about her? besides the fact that she's paying me (HA!), she just started a new blog that i have fallen in love with. i want you all, dear readers, to check it out too. she's a motivator. she's an athlete. she's a saint.

read it HERE!

reversed roles

last wednesday i made the trip to my hometown of waverly, ia. when going home, i have two options of routes: the short(er), boring, straight route or the longer, curvy, beautiful route. with nothing on my schedule, i chose the latter route.

i haven't been home in seven months, my longest absence ever. it's always fun to see what's changed in my hometown, in my parents' neighborhood, and in my parents' house. the one thing that's really struck me on this trip is how much my parents have changed over time. my dad is skinnier (much to his weight-obsessed delight) and seemingly shorter. quite simply, he's not getting younger. my mom's had health issues for years, but this trip home has really made me realize her condition. i've seen her have two of her mini seizures in the couple days i've been home. my dad's told me about them-seeing them has made them real.

it's scary when roles start to reverse. when you realize that you're the one that is the healthy one, the one that will soon have to be the caretaker. as my cousin and i were discussing today, it's a role we'll gladly take on, but it's still hard.

as i get ready to go on this trip across the ocean, i can't help but worry about my parents. i also can't help feeling a little guilty for leaving. but i guess now is the time. i'm not getting younger, and they aren't either.

ode to discount stores

dear marshalls and tj maxx,

hi, friends. you know, i need to apologize. in my 27 years of life, i've made some mistakes. i've said some things i didn't mean, i've done some things i shouldn't have done, and i ignored some advice i should have taken. one piece of advice is that you two, you sweet, beautiful two, are worth some attention. i've driven by you my whole life; i dismissed you as just another generic store.

but then i stumbled upon you two this year. i don't even remember our first time together. i wasn't led to you by my own volition; someone made me visit you. and even though it wasn't necessarily love at first site, i formed an appreciation for you that has turned into a passionate, true love. your cheap prices, your designer brands, your discounted stationary-you just know how to make me happy. and when you throw in those surprise items that make me squeal with joy, it makes me think that you somehow read the desires written on my heart.

so, while i haven't always been attentive and loving, you have my attention now, marshie and teej. i promise to never dismiss you again, for this is a love that will never die.

all my love and money,

lyndsay

something's fishy

as you may or may not know, i made a drastic change in August of 2007. i went from eating salami-cheese sandwiches, yogurt, and cheese for lunch each day to a strict vegan diet. legumes and nuts became my new best friends. since then, i've made many alterations to my diet. i am now what i would call a "lazy vegan." it's not even about being lazy; i eat what i want. simple as that. however, there is one thing i haven't budged on: meat. can't do it. won't do it. no desire to do it.

therein lies my latest moral dilemma.

i'm moving to spain. they love ham. they even have a museo del jamon (ham museum). i just can't do ham. i mean, never say never. but never (until further notice).

since the thought of munching on a ham hock makes me nauseous, i've contemplated starting to eat fish again. spain is also lush in seafood, and it would be a lot easier to survive if i was open to eating seafood. i don't know why i'm a little better with the idea of eating fish over eating ham, but i am. but i'm still not ok with it. for moral, environmental, and health reasons, i just don't want to do it; yet, I DO! i want to experience spain's culture. i want to go out to eat and not have to scrounge the menu for SOMETHING (ANYTHING) non-meaty to eat. but it still doesn't make those guilty feelings go away.

*sigh

i just don't know what to do.

until i can come to some conclusion, you'll find me munching on my spinach. crunch.

check check!

spain checklist

passport-check

backpack to pack my stuff for a year-check

apartment-no check. i desperately wish i would have paid more attention in my (many) past spanish classes

haircut-check

resume-no check

title for new blog about spain experience-no check

neck pillow for the plane ride-check

excitement-check