my list-o-thankfulness

on my five-hour drive home tuesday, i had some good time to think about all i am thankful for. here's a few things i'd like to share...

i'm thankful for the opportunity to get an education. i complain about my program a lot, but in the end, i'm really humbled that i have the opportunity to learn, grow, and further my knowledge.

i'm thankful for my car. although i lovingly refer to it as the "burgundy bastard," he's a reliable, warm, and smooth piece of machinery.

i'm thankful that, in her sickness, my grandma is not feeling pain and still has a memory as sharp as a tack.

i'm thankful that i live with joanna. she has taught me a lot about life, and, most of all, she gives the best hugs whenever i need them. she's a true gem.

speaking of friends! i have the best circle of friends in the whole world. hyperbole, you say? no. it's true. whether they live in wisconsin, iowa, nebraska, kansas, north carolina, (fill in state where my friends live HERE), i am continuously humbled by the bonds i share with the people who let me call them friends. i could go on, and on, and on...

i'm thankful for my parents' generosity and for their faith in me. i really don't deserve it.

music. i'm really thankful for music. from lady gaga (paparazzi, baby) to real artists (no offense, lady g), music makes me feel alive when nothing else does.

i'm thankful for extended family. for the most part (each family has exceptions, right?), i have a stellar collection of aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses of cousins, etc. that a person could ask for. i often times leave family gatherings wishing i knew more about them because they are such cool people. my dad always says, "you can pick your nose. you can pick your friends. but you can't pick your family." truth is, i'd pick a lot of them.

most of all, i'm thankful that this list could go on for a long time.

not enough tapes, not enough memory

death isn't a secret; we all know that it's the final destination for each person. but when you know it's coming soon, you take it more seriously. you stand up straight, look it in the eyes, and tremble.

when you know she'll be gone soon, you study her face like your grad school textbooks, engraining each line in your memory so that you never forget the contours of her face. you hang onto everything she says praying you'll remember each morpheme, each word, and each story that escapes her mouth. you even secretly hide a voice recorder in your purse to preserve your last conversations forever.

but then the old, trusty recorder breaks, and you realize that there's not enough tapes to capture what you want: for her voice to ring in your head forever. so you listen harder, trying to remember. you repeat her words in your head over and over, but then you find yourself forgetting them just as soon as the words are spoken; like your mind won't let you hang on to the particulars.

and so you just focus on how you feel with her. and you know that's a feeling you'll never forget.

i don't want no new bestie

ah, george. remember that friendly old man that i befriended in my previous post? yeah. he's a creeper.

you know, you try to trust people, but it just ends up exploding in your big, hopeful face. george thought it would be fun if we were best friends. he wrote me e-mails about all the places he wanted to take me: the zoo (i.hate.zoos), the mediterranean restaurant, the hemingway bistro...

and then there are the phone calls...

sweet goodness. shit like this just persists my speculation of peoples' intentions. i just wanted a friend. instead i got an unwanted mole on my ass.