neckin' on the sofa

i've been thinking a lot today about how awkward it is to share a first kiss on a couch. don't get too excited; i haven't shared a first kiss on a couch in awhile. but it's so AWKWARD. because if you're sitting on a couch halfway normally, you're both sitting with your faces looking forward. if you sit close enough to be able to touch lips by a mere twist of the head, you still have this uncomfortable periphery judgement time where you look out the sides of your eyes to see if his head is turned. then, if his head is turned, you have one of two choices: you can turn your head 90 degrees (and get a crick in the neck!) and meet his gaze and a possible smooch, or you can keep looking forward, knowing he's in prime smooching position.

there is also the other option of having one person sit in a non-traditional couch-sitting position. i'm a fan (i originally typed "afraid." HA!) of "native american style" couch sitting, in which you pretzel up your legs and face the person, creating a perpendicular alignment of bodies. this takes the pressure off you, as the native american sitting party, to be looking in the right direction. you're lookin', and if he wants to come in for the touchdown, BAM. easy. but i will warn: native american style sitting is not conducive to elongated kisses. you pose the threat of tipping over if you lean too far forward.

bottom line, i think first kisses should be shared somewhere conventional, while in the full and upright position.

then again...beggars can't be choosers.

a day with hemingway

connie is a crazy 'ol hoot. she's the volunteer coordinator at the Ernest Hemingway museum, and ever since i volunteered there about a year ago, she's called frequently ever since, asking if i could help out. i normally dismiss her late-night calls and her melodic voice messages (she seems to speak in a rhythm, complete with crescendos), but i decided to call her back this time. with no job to report to and no classes to study for, i figured i could offer society SOMETHING during this sedentary state-o-mine.

unlike when i volunteered before, when i was the greeter at the museum, i worked yesterday in hemingway's birth home. i was the "traffic controller," which is an authoritative name for "take tickets, greet, and tell guests when the next tour will be offered." i got to work with some lovely elderly docents who knew more about hemingway than hemingway even knew about himself.

what made the day so extraordinary was all the people i got to meet and talk to. people from taiwan, ireland, rome, california, pennsylvania, the netherlands, and korea all came to see where ernest first popped his manly head. while waiting for tours to start, i got to learn more about the visitors. one woman, from taiwan, was here on a three-month work visa. her and other international students spent the summer at six flags working food service. she loved it.

another man, whose name i never caught, was so generally interested in my life that it amazed me. i told him of my life here, my goals, my struggles, and he listened with a smile. he then introduced me to an English teacher he was traveling with on the tour group. upon hearing of my future plans to teach, the woman got giddy with excitement, telling me i would be great. it was just what i needed to hear.

it amazes me that one person, a person who lived decades ago, can still bring people from all over the world together in one tiny, humble place, such as a queen anne style house on oak park avenue. sometimes i think writing is self-centered and egotistical; then i remember the power of a book, the influence on a world, and common themes that we can all relate to, and writing and their authors take on a humble, magical aura.

grandma haikus

she sure is lively

my grandma who lives up high

on timbertop ranch

she is up by 4

greets the sun and the birds

with a lonely smile

she still speaks in "we"

knowing that he's gone but still

imagines he's there

she knows every bird

that graces her window pane

they are her t.v.

when asked if it rained

she can tell you exactly

a tenth of an inch

she keeps a photo

album nearby to paste in

obituaries

i often wonder

what i will do without her

i just close my eyes

turning it over in my mind

sorry for my blogging hiatus. i've been nose-deep in a puddle of contemplation, nothing of which belonged in this sharing space. while i feel self-awareness is a good thing, i've been muddling over my life, who i am, where i am, etc. to the point of retreating into a hole. sometimes i think i will never figure me out. and maybe that's ok. but i hope i can, someday, reach a point of contentment. that's my only desire.

i've been reading a book called this i believe II, which has impacted me profoundly. i used to believe in a lot of things. i used to believe in a lot of things PASSIONATELY. i don't anymore. not in the way i used to, at least. as i reflect on the beliefs of others, i've been trying to reconnect with my own beliefs, which has been uplifting.

sometimes i yearn to be 30. for some reason, i think i'll have it all figured out by then. but i probably won't. and i think that, perhaps, that's what life is all about; a continuous cycle of trying to figure it all out.