*insert appropriate title here (disclaimer: tired and emotional)

to have a successful blog, one is supposed to blog frequently. if one doesn't, people lose interest, and they stop checking back. thankfully, i don't blog for others. i blog to process. and if others read, well, that's just humbling.

truth is, there has been nothing that i have wanted to share about recently. these last few months have been rough, and i didn't exactly feel like documenting about my inability to get out of bed some days. while i know i've gone through the last couple months for a reason, yada yada yada, it hasn't been a time worth sharing with anyone else.

and i don't know that i have much more to share tonight. but i needed to write.

tonight i attended the wedding of a dear high school friend. it was a much more emotional night than i had anticipated. first, i was ushered in by boys i once babysat. they're grown men now, yet i feel as though i have not grown up at all. spooky. then i saw my friend's grandma enter without her husband by her side. he had passed on since i'd last been home. they were a commonplace duo during the time that i've known my friend and her twin, and it made me so sad to see her without him.

but what was most emotional for me was to have a grave realization as to how much our friendship has changed since it began in fifth grade. to go from inseparable for most of our lives to not even knowing the man she was marrying. it broke my heart.

i know friendships naturally change. it's part of life. but sometimes i mourn the loss of friendships as seriously as a death. some people leave an empty hollow in your heart that no time or person can fill. there are things i wish i would have said. there are thousands of things i wish i could say. but i didn't. and i don't.

leaving the reception hall tonight, i thought of all that's changed over the years. i'm not a person who believes in regrets. i'm not. but sometimes i wonder what life would be like if some aspects of my life were different. would things be better? worse? it's impossible to know. so i'll just keep trying to trudge forward, one breath, one footstep, one heartbeat at a time. and when i get to the other side, i hope my regrets are few.