ode to discount stores

dear marshalls and tj maxx,

hi, friends. you know, i need to apologize. in my 27 years of life, i've made some mistakes. i've said some things i didn't mean, i've done some things i shouldn't have done, and i ignored some advice i should have taken. one piece of advice is that you two, you sweet, beautiful two, are worth some attention. i've driven by you my whole life; i dismissed you as just another generic store.

but then i stumbled upon you two this year. i don't even remember our first time together. i wasn't led to you by my own volition; someone made me visit you. and even though it wasn't necessarily love at first site, i formed an appreciation for you that has turned into a passionate, true love. your cheap prices, your designer brands, your discounted stationary-you just know how to make me happy. and when you throw in those surprise items that make me squeal with joy, it makes me think that you somehow read the desires written on my heart.

so, while i haven't always been attentive and loving, you have my attention now, marshie and teej. i promise to never dismiss you again, for this is a love that will never die.

all my love and money,

lyndsay

something's fishy

as you may or may not know, i made a drastic change in August of 2007. i went from eating salami-cheese sandwiches, yogurt, and cheese for lunch each day to a strict vegan diet. legumes and nuts became my new best friends. since then, i've made many alterations to my diet. i am now what i would call a "lazy vegan." it's not even about being lazy; i eat what i want. simple as that. however, there is one thing i haven't budged on: meat. can't do it. won't do it. no desire to do it.

therein lies my latest moral dilemma.

i'm moving to spain. they love ham. they even have a museo del jamon (ham museum). i just can't do ham. i mean, never say never. but never (until further notice).

since the thought of munching on a ham hock makes me nauseous, i've contemplated starting to eat fish again. spain is also lush in seafood, and it would be a lot easier to survive if i was open to eating seafood. i don't know why i'm a little better with the idea of eating fish over eating ham, but i am. but i'm still not ok with it. for moral, environmental, and health reasons, i just don't want to do it; yet, I DO! i want to experience spain's culture. i want to go out to eat and not have to scrounge the menu for SOMETHING (ANYTHING) non-meaty to eat. but it still doesn't make those guilty feelings go away.

*sigh

i just don't know what to do.

until i can come to some conclusion, you'll find me munching on my spinach. crunch.

check check!

spain checklist

passport-check

backpack to pack my stuff for a year-check

apartment-no check. i desperately wish i would have paid more attention in my (many) past spanish classes

haircut-check

resume-no check

title for new blog about spain experience-no check

neck pillow for the plane ride-check

excitement-check

hodgepodge: shocker

i feel like i haven't had a nicely written, cohesive blog in a long time. the thought of sitting down and turning out something well-written seems exhausting to me as of late. i think i've graded so many papers this year that my brain rebels at the mere thought of organized writing.

this blog, unfortunately, won't be any different. maybe i'll feel more inspired and motivated once i get to spain.

so, without further excuses, let the hodgepodge roll call unfold.

-i've felt like a pretty lame friend/daughter these past few months. between forgetting and not listening and being disconnected, i'm starting to see that i've been in a cloud for awhile. i'm hoping i can redeem myself before i physically disconnect from everyone i know.

-been thinking a lot about permanence, or, rather, impermanence lately. people. places. the ones you thought would never leave. the places you thought you'd always know and that would always know you. it's not so easy. and it makes me sad. but i'm starting to be ok with the idea that life is all impermanent. i need to trust it. embrace it. not dwell on it. or them.

-i love living in oak park, but i hate constantly running into students. god love them, but they're everywhere. i ran into a hoard of them when getting off the train today. the other day i had to walk around two of my students making out against a pole. i'm just waiting for them to show up in spain.

-i haven't had a good cry in a really long time. i'm ok with this, but i also worry at my emotion-less state as of late. or maybe i'm just that happy.

-one of my students made me some killer cd mixes. i truly believe mixing a perfect cd is an ART.

and i'm tired.

maybe my next post will be readable and read-worthy.

until then...adios!