a decision to live

i was raised to be cautious: be safe. don't risk it. always play it safe. an admirable mindset to instill into a child.

as i've gotten older, i've realized just how debilitating such a life can be. to avoid doing things and spending money and going places because (gasp!) SOMETHING bad COULD happen keeps the body alive, but it kills your soul.

if you know me at all, you know that, if i get an idea in my head, i usually pounce on it (my inner cat, if you will). well, that happened on my birthday last year. i woke up, did a lot of thinking (i'm good at that), and realized how many opportunities i had missed out on in my 27 years of life because of fear: fear that i would fail, fear that i would end up broke and homeless, and fear that stepping out of the box would end in disaster. so i decided to change. and i have.

as you may know, i made a list of 11 adventures/new experiences to accomplish in 2011. i'm about half done after last sunday's skydive. in july i'm headed to rome, croatia, and spain. after that? who knows. but i know i'll be living. or at least i'll die trying.

sick lovin' lamentin'

i'm sick of huck finn research papers (only seven more!) feeling lonely whiny kids i'm in love with my plans my new, cheapy pair of leggings pandora, etsy, and all my cyber hotspots i'm lamenting not saying more saying too much safe facades

mash-up

lots of random thoughts tonight. in no particular order...

-phone calls with old friends are spiritual experiences.

-it always surprises me just how much the weather affects my mood. warm=happy.

-i am a huge believer in karma. it slaps me in the face daily.

-i'm relishing in the fact that i've almost survived my first year of teaching. success!

-the best compliment i received today was someone writing on my fbook wall, "way to live!" living, truly living, life was this year's goal. i feel like i'm surpassing what i thought possible, and that makes me smile.

-i called my aunt tonight. just because. and it was great.

-thinking of my grandma still makes me cry.

-i feel like EVERYONE is falling in love/getting engaged/having babies. evidently there was a love train, and i missed it. i hope i can catch the next one.

-one of the best feelings in the world is seeing your good friend(s) in happy, healthy relationships. nothing's better.

-it both scares me and excites me how closely literature can describe my life. i read a book last night that was so similar to my thoughts and feelings that i felt as though the author had tapped into my brain. for real. that's holy, baby.

-i'm going to start derby again this week. i'm really scared, for some reason.

-my stomach is freaking out tonight. nerves or refried beans? hum...

-i found a great orchestral version to death cab's "such great heights" tonight. thanks, pandora!

-sending you love, dear reader. whoever you are.